Novel Bin Chapter 76 Second Guessing Myself
"Thank you for this! If you don\'t mind, can I watch Claire tonight? I think that she will be able to stand Asha and me now, and I would really like to become friends with her! I think she is adorable, but that\'s only if she wants to," Seraphina explained after the three of us were dressed.
"Sure, I am sure that Breya is still here with her, so go ask, and we will wait here," I said, and Seraphina nodded, leaving the room quickly.
The moment the door closed, I walked over to Listenia, where she was leaning against the wall. I moved behind her and kissed her cheek while wrapping my arms around her, flooding her body with Healing Magic I had gathered.
"How are you feeling? You didn\'t say no, but I can\'t tell if you liked it or not?" I asked, and Listenia sighed and turned her head to me.
"It was unexpected, and it was painful, but I have never done something with more than one person. It was interesting, but next time I want it to be just us," Listenia said, and I nodded.
"We will go home after this, and I am going to start teaching you how to gather magic like I do. If you can learn this part, everything else is just a matter of practice," I explained, and Listenia smiled, resting her head against mine.
"I heard the Angel was giving you trouble, or you were making a big deal out of something that is normal, is what I heard. I will just assume that you had a good reason, not that I care if you didn\'t," Listenia said, and I pushed my face down into the crook of her neck.
"I just want her to set a good example for Claire if she is going to watch her. I made an offer, and she didn\'t have to take it. She could have said no at any time," I said, but hearing my own words was starting to make me feel different.
"Really? Because you offered her the one thing that you know, she won\'t say no to. I think that you have different standards, and that is fine, but do you really think that forcing them on others is going to change them?" Listenia asked, turning in my arms, and I stayed quiet.
Maybe I was being unreasonable. Maybe I might not be able to live up to my own expectations if placed in the same place.
I let go of Listenia and turned away, walking to one of the windows and starting to consider what I was even doing here. Why was I even trying to change any of all this?
Just because one person asked me to help, I took what she said like it was my mission.
Was this what Tallia wanted me to do?
Should I just not care what happens?
I was starting to frustrate myself for even second-guessing myself, but I seemed to be the only one that cared about these things. Something burned inside of me when I saw the girls look at each other with such hate.
"Don\'t worry about it too much. Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe you try a different method of trying to get your points across?" Listenia asked as she came up behind, putting her hands on my shoulders, and starting to rub them.
The feeling was lovely, and her fingers seemed to release some of the tension that had built up.
"I just am not sure why I am here. I am clearly meant to be on a battlefield killing things, but now I am asked to do something that I thought I knew how to do. According to everyone, I am trying too hard on things that don\'t matter, but they matter to me. Something happened, I don\'t know when, but it left a scar on me that burns when I see the hate between the Angels and Undead. I thought that I could just force people to change, but it seems that I am the one that needs to do that," I said, pressing my forehead into the mirror as I felt anger well up that I forced down.
"You seem to have a lot of past, so it\'s not surprising that something like that might bother you. It bothers me that you are stronger than me, and you can do anything you like without effort. I know it bothers Breya and many of the others in the Barracks. You know that you embarrassed them yesterday," Listenia said.
"What was I supposed to do? Wait until someone gets hurt before I do something?" I asked. "If I can do something that prevents others from getting hurt, I will do it every time."
"You could have helped them. You could offer to train them, but that won\'t be needed if you can deal with Morgana. While you are impulsive with your words, no one can deny that you are Goddess-level strong," Listenia said, and I sighed.
"A lot of good that has done me so far," I said.
"You need to figure out how you are going to use that going forward. We are going to the Dwarf island next, right?" Listenia asked, and I nodded. "Well, your strength means nothing to them, and they won\'t stand being bullied around. Unlike many other races, Goldy will get involved with her people and is in constant contact with most of them."
"So you are saying that I need to figure out some way besides doing what I think is best?" I asked, and Listenia nodded.
"Just because you have all the answers doesn\'t mean that you have all the right ones. You said that this is the knowledge that you have gained, so that doesn\'t mean that it all applies to this world," Listenia said, and I nodded.
"I will have to think about it, but now I have to apologize," I groaned.
"No, you don\'t. Just start tomorrow with a new attitude," Listenia said and kissed my cheek.
"I will try to brighten up and shake this mood I have storming over me," I said, and Listenia laughed.
"That would be a good start!" Listenia said as there was a knock at the door.